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A Trip Down Nostalgia Avenue

№20 ~3 minutes

In which I play Command & Conquer: Tiberian Sun Firestorm and get my ass handed to me by the enemy on Easy difficulty.

So I was walking along Nostalgia Avenue minding my own business when suddenly a bunch of Devil’s Tongues jumped at me.. well they came out the ground but anyways.. Of course they were forcefully greeted by my awesome defense of… hmm… a single infantry unit and a tick tank with half it’s health. Fear before my awesome defense bitches I screamed at the top of my lungs, but to no avail as the Devil’s Tongues were already eating away at my refinery.

Panic struck me as I realized that “if this is how the enemy is going to treat me on Easy, I can only fear what anus-targeted horrors it will bestow upon me on Medium..”.

But I swiftly came to my senses, built a stealth tank and fended of the enemy’s strategic offense against my person. I then pondered upon acquiring some lasers, because well.. you can never go wrong with LAZERZ. Which really, if I modded it, that’s how you would spell it. But I digress, mostly out of boredom.
Upon realizing that this was merely the beginning of the end I decided to strike my own fear in the enemy. Thus I built my own Devil’s Tongues (irony there). And began locating the enemy so that I could show them what Might, Will and coordinated eye-mouse reflexes mean. Upon having located the enemy I re-grouped my troops and began with what I planned to be a quick and merciless death for my enemy.

My planned work awesomely. And by awesomely I mean that the plan for quick and merciless death went without a hitch, except for one tiny little miniature sized, nano at most, detail. The death that occurred wasn’t my enemy’s. It was mine. Turns out the bastard had the audacity to have Obelisk of Lights spread all over his ‘effin base. As is turned out, Devil’s Tongues are not even slightly a match against the might of Obelisk of Lights, especially when they dig out of the ground next to the ‘effin thing.

And thus began my struggle to compete with a single AI enemy at the lowest of levels, in a game released over ten years ago.

I really, reee’ally suck at Command & Conquer: Tiberian Sun Firestorm. But I had to download it because it’s free in every the sense of the word. And legal to download. Just visit commandandconquer.com and clicky clicky, waity waity.. You have to wait a little if you choose Tiberian Sun as it’s hosted by fileplanet. I played it on Windows 7 and it’s working flawlessly after I told Windows to run it in XP Mode.

I later realized what time it was and the fact that my son should be waking up so I saved the game, to continue my struggle another day. Made a cup of coffee and did a print screen to fuck around with in Adobe Photoshop.

Here’s roughly how my base looked after the enemy had its way with me, and then letting it’s retarded cousin Bob have his way with me too. Then filming it for youtube and linking the youtube video on digg.

An early prootype of Island of Eternity being played.
Me, pretty fucked.

As you can see I have no Refinery anymore, or a Hand of Nod. So yeah, I’m pretty fucked. But still hopeful. Moments after this I sold everything except my Base so that I could afford a Refinery, which I was able to do but only barely. Next time I have time to play I’ll have to deal with the enemy in a different manner.

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