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Beards, Brains and Beauty

№248 ~4 minutes

This entry contains graphic images featuring theatrical blood. Viewer discretion is advised.

In which I, and the rest of Squiders, take a day off work to do a photo shoot which involves more blood than anyone had imagined.

Some days are just work, eat, shit and sleep. Repeat until death or retirement, which ever comes first.

Other days are a bit different.

Other days I get to take the day off and go to a photo shoot to become a zombie instead of doing any actual work.

Well, not just a zombie as Kris—i.e. my boss—had a plan and a purpose for the photo shoot. It wasn’t just for fun.

But here’s the thing: I don’t want to spoil all of this until the new website is actually live—which should be at the end of the year—so I’m only going to post behind the scenes photos. Pictures that wouldn’t be possible to use on the website but are perfectly suited for my little entry.

A fake brain covered in theatrical blood.
This brain actually sits in our office window every day. Except it’s not usually covered in blood.

Some other props included white lab coats, safety goggles—which were so safe despite costing only £1 that we couldn’t even break them when we wanted to—and stethoscopes.

Kris standing and posing my the blood-covered brain.
“You want me to do what?” Kris asked.

After all the sciency…

In addition to revised versions of Second Edition entries. The March 2014 update contained i.a. the word sciency. March 2014 update, Oxford English Dictionary

…bits were completed we moved on the more macabre portion of the photo shoot.

The photographer Stephen and Kris previewing an image on a laptop.
Previewing the compositions before proceeding to the next portion.

Have you, like me, always wished to be a zombie?

Well thanks to my—patent pending—easy to follow 3 step guide, now you too can become a servant of the recently deceased community.

Kate building the silicone foundation to which she can create the zombie look.
Step 1. Hire an award-winning professional make-up artist.

Thanks to Kate’s experienced hand and keen eye, it didn’t take long before my inner undead begun to emerge in all its visceral glory.

Kate's make-up equipment.
Make-up artists have some of the weirdest assortment of tools and equipment.

Curios side fact: Whilst this wasn’t the first time I’ve had make-up applied for photo shoots or filming, it was the first time I’ve had make-up applied using a trowel.

At this point my hands begun to be too covered in blood for me to take any photos myself. Thankfully, as selfies seemed like a no-go, Stephen was handily available for some more behind the scenes photos.

Kate continuing on transforming Carlos into a zombie.
Step 2. Trust the make-up artist you hired to do her job.

Are you ready?

Carlos giving the camera a terrifying grin as the zombie transformation is complete.
Step 3. Winning!

So whilst my individual zombie shots were taken, it was Kris’ and Jo’s turn to join the army of the undead so that we could get together for the final group shots.

And without giving away too much of the result of our photo shoot, I feel like I can’t leave without at least one group photo set against the sharp contrast of the white background.

Kate, the make-up artist, bottle-feeding Kris with more blood.
“This shot needs more blood,” says Stephen as he instructs Kate to bottle-feed more blood to Kris.

Stay tuned for the new Squiders website to see the final results of our photo shoot. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know once it’s live.

And naturally once we were all done, instead of cleaning ourselves up, Kris and I walked through town first—scaring the crap out of people—to do your daily shopping and then parted ways as we both went home to also scare the crap out of our respective children—which in my case included the neighbour’s kid.

All for the kids, right?


A huge thanks to the enormously talented Kate Griffiths who was responsible for our terrifying theatrical make-up and the composition-keen and instructive Stephen Thomas Cole who took the photos, including the last three in this entry.

Outstanding October, Issue 10/15

Jolly July and Amusing August, Issue 07-08/15

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