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You Only Wish for Death Once… Maybe Twice

№157 ~5 minutes

In which I tempt fate and any unknown pre-existing heart conditions by drinking the world’s strongest coffee.

Seeing as it has been months since I last talked about coffee I feel it’s pretty okay that I talk about coffee a little. Besides, it’s not every day I order “Death Wish Coffee” the worlds strongest coffee, drink and review it, now is it? Or to put it another way, it’s a good thing I don’t have a pre-existing heart condition.

Just like I have a bucket list for gaming, I have one for coffee. But unlike my gaming list, 50% of the coffee beans on my to-drink list are beans that at some point or another has passed through someone’s digestive system. Which says more about my coffee habits than I would like it to.

A mysterious package delivered by the United States Postal Service.
“What could this be?” courtesy of United States Postal Service

But I haven’t found poo-poo coffee beans just yet. Sadly, they are difficult to get a hold of as it is and it’s not made any easier by the fact that I want to have it from natural sources. My problem is that, because those coffees have become so sought after, people have started farming them for an increased production. Which means, rather than having animals who in the wild eat the coffee cherries they deem worthy, the animals are forced to eat coffee cherries whilst being caged up.

I’m not cool with that so whilst I’m still keeping Kopi Luwak and Black Ivory on my to-drink list I suspect I might never actually get to drink them from natural sources.

But thankfully there’s at least one coffee on my list that doesn’t have to be excreted by an animal first and lauded as the strongest coffee in the world should make this an interesting experience.

Warning: This coffee is carefully formulated to provide maximum taste and caffeine content without the addition of anything artificial. You probably can’t handle its flavor and intensity. Many sleepless nights will result from this masterful blend. By making this coffee some have called us irresponsible, we think it’s revolutionary.

Unboxing Death Wish coffee.
Oooh, what a fancy box.

Presenting… Death Wish Coffee. The World’s Strongest Coffee.

Their own warning sums it up quite nicely and since I don’t have much to add to it and I’ll just get right to brewing it.

Initial Impression

A very dark roasted and oily bean. A strong charred smell with some underlying sweetness and without those unpleasant sharp notes some coffees with this roast degree have.

Brewing

The average American brewing ratio is 1:18. The recommended brewing ratio on the instructions in the box says to use a brewing ratio of 1:8 and checking their website they recommend a ratio of 1:13. Now, at 1:15 I drink quite strong coffee but a ratio of 1:8 is ridiculously strong and a part of me feels like “Well, at that ratio any coffee is going to be ‘the strongest in the world’, isn’t it?”.

Death Wish coffee brewed and ready in my mug.

Call me a wimp — but not to my face — but I think I’m going to start this out at my usual 1:15, that way I can compare it to every other coffee I’ve had.

Bloom is as expected from coffee that would have been roasted last week when I ordered it. Sadly no emerging notes on the 2 minute mark when I break the crust and stir.

First Sips and Conclusion

A strong, overpowering even, charred flavour. But surprisingly smooth. Whilst I’m sure this could very well be the world’s strongest coffee it is far from the world’s best tasting one. I think the roasting profile is far too dark to let any interesting nuances of the beans shine through and to be honest; If I wanted a blend I would order it from eightpointnine.com.

After burn (1 h later)

My stomach feels like I’ve swallowed a couple of bricks. A sneak preview of what’s to come when I go el número dos perhaps? I also feel pretty awake now. Oooh, the rush. Whoop whoop whoop.

Equilibrium + The Cold Cup Test

3 hours later my initial rush of caffeine seems to have subsided and I feel — for lack of a better word — back to normal. Which is a bit of a let-down actually but then again I didn’t try it at the brewing ratios they recommended. I suppose I’ll have to do that next. I also, as I actually always do, saved a little in the cup so that I could try it once the it was cold. I like seeing how the flavour profile changes as the coffee gets colder and I was actually very surprised to find a nice cocoa notes in this.

So, what’s the verdict I hear you ask?

Three out of five skulls.
3 charred Jolly Rogers out of 5.

Jamaican Blue Meh

Coffees of the World, Part Two

I Had a B-Day

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