Don’t you just love it when you sign up to things, then forgot all about them and freak out when the mail man knocks on your door because you weren’t expecting anyone to knock on your door?

The Mysterious Morning Box

672 words about life — 12:15 · 22nd Apr 2014

Yeah, I love that too.

This is exactly what happened this morning when the mail man arrived with a mysterious box.

An inconspicous looking black box
Angry “Size Comparison” Barbarian doesn't like inconspicuously marked boxes.

Lootcrate. What could that be?”, I hear you ask.

Epic Geek + Gamer gear, delivered monthly!

At least according to the good people behind Lootcrate which aims to bring you surprise goodies every month.

But enough of all of this tension, I’m sure you’re as eager as I am to look inside the box and see what I got. I only know the theme of the month, which is “Dragons” and to be perfectly honest it didn’t really tickle my excitement gland—not that there’s anything wrong with Dragons, I like dragons, but I imagine the loot would be Skyrim inspired and not having played the game makes it sort of irrelevant for me.

Oh well, let’s just hope for the best anyway.

First thing my eyes meet is a smaller box with the writing, “THE NORD” in all capital letter.

Holding a small box labelled 'The Nord'
“I knew it, fucking Skyrim”, I think to myself.

Turns out, it’s technically a vinyl figure from The Elder Scrolls Online.

“Potato, potahto”, I say, “It’s still from the same universe” and then I looked at it and read its description.

Hailing from the bitter climates of Skyrim, the Nords are the brash, boisterous frontline of the Ebonheart Pact. Natural-born warriors and expert weapon masters, they fight with an ecstatic ferocity that terrifies even the most stalwart of enemies.

Well, isn’t that just the cutest thing ever. He’s Nordic, like me. And he even has a tiny little sword and a tiny little axe. I can’t be angry at this little guy. Besides, if I was, who knows, maybe he would Shout at me.

Looking through the rest of my Lootcrate, the next box that captures my attention says “Game of Thrones” and my initial thoughts are pretty much the same as towards the Nord.

But since the first box surprised me I’m keeping my hesitation at bay and look at the box where it depicts the various probabilities of getting which figure. Some lame looking dude has the probability “1/144” written underneath him whereas most seem to be a 1 in 24 chance.

Viserion from a Game of Thrones Mystery Mini box.'
I got a dragon, apparently called Viserion.

“Why yes, Lootcrate. I approve of this awesomely cute looking dragon.”

The content from Lootcrate, April 2014'
Mine, mine, all mine.

The rest of my mysterious morning box contained a 20 Sided Stress Dice, a regular D20, a Dragon Shield Screen Cleaner—so just a regular screen cleaner?—, a Collectible Pin, a Dragon Slayer Dog Tag and finally… the weirdest edible thing I’ve seen this month.

Mikey’s Dragon Beef Jerky
Mikey’s Dragon Jerky, it’s “Fus Ro Yum”-a-licious.

I haven’t tried it yet. But I think I’m going to have to. For science. Damn you Science.

When I first signed up for Lootcrate I wasn’t sure if I was going to subscribe to more than a single box but after having received the first box—which I wasn’t particularly excited about—I’m going to have to get another box to see what an actually exciting theme might do for my various glands.

I’ll let you know, next month, when I’ve received the next one.

You’ve just read The Mysterious Morning Box.

In which, 10 years ago, I wrote 672 words about life and I covered topics, such as: lootcrate .