The following event(s) take place between Wednesday evening and Thursday morning. All responsible parties have been punished in accordance to the severity of their transgression.
Begin incident report.
Date and time of incident
From 2020-07-08T17:34:00Z (18:34 BST) to 2020-07-09T07:32:34Z (08:32 BST).
Location of incident
Essex, United Kingdom.
It has been noted that the impact resonated across the globe because that’s, “how websites work.”
Type of incident
Alteration of data or computer system, hereby referred to as; deployed to Production.
Person(s) involved in the incident
Carlos, hereby referred to as; Dickhead.
Person(s) who reported the incident
Beije, hereby referred to as; The Friend.
Were person(s) injured due to incident
If, Yes, please attach separate sheet with the names, addresses and contact details of the injured.
Sensitivity of data
Not sensitive. Routine code, little to no strategic value.
Chain of events
Dickhead updated Composer dependencies, tested and verified code to be working on local development environment. Dickhead deployed code to Production without realising that the DigitalOcean droplet does not update Composer automatically.
Impact of incident
Deploying to Production resulted in complete uptime loss (500 Internal Server Error) in /blog subdirectory of website carloseriksson.com.
Duration of incident
13 hours 58 minutes 34 seconds.
Reason for duration
Dickhead discovered the issue on Production immediately following the routine maintenance update.
However, he ignored the issue, cooked dinner and spent the evening with his partner and then went to sleep, trusting that his mother probably wouldn’t visit the website during the uptime loss.
The Friend, however, did and reported it at 2020-07-09T07:06:00Z (BST).
Dickhead has requested that it is noted, that his mother, did, in fact, not visit the site during the uptime loss.
Consequences following the incident
Dickhead has addressed the issue by including /vendor directory in DigitalOcean droplet and said he’s sorry—and he looked like he meant it—to The Friend. The Friend has filed a complaint using the official channels, by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org.
His mother remains uninformed of the incident.
End of incident report.