In which correct protocols and procedures must be maintained, following an incident of this nature.

Reboot: Incident Report

344 words about creative — 18:00 · 9th Jul 2020

The following event(s) take place between Wednesday evening and Thursday morning. All responsible parties have been punished in accordance to the severity of their transgression.

Begin incident report.

Date and time of incident

From 2020-07-08T17:34:00Z (18:34 BST) to 2020-07-09T07:32:34Z (08:32 BST).

Location of incident

Essex, United Kingdom.

It has been noted that the impact resonated across the globe because that’s, “how websites work.”

Type of incident

Alteration of data or computer system, hereby referred to as; deployed to Production.

Person(s) involved in the incident

Carlos, hereby referred to as; Dickhead.

Person(s) who reported the incident

Beije, hereby referred to as; The Friend.

Were person(s) injured due to incident


If, Yes, please attach separate sheet with the names, addresses and contact details of the injured.

Sensitivity of data

Not sensitive. Routine code, little to no strategic value.

Chain of events

Dickhead updated Composer dependencies, tested and verified code to be working on local development environment. Dickhead deployed code to Production without realising that the DigitalOcean droplet does not update Composer automatically.

Impact of incident

Deploying to Production resulted in complete uptime loss (500 Internal Server Error) in /blog subdirectory of website

Duration of incident

13 hours 58 minutes 34 seconds.

Reason for duration

Dickhead discovered the issue on Production immediately following the routine maintenance update.

However, he ignored the issue, cooked dinner and spent the evening with his partner and then went to sleep, trusting that his mother probably wouldn’t visit the website during the uptime loss.

The Friend, however, did and reported it at 2020-07-09T07:06:00Z (BST).

Dickhead has requested that it is noted, that his mother, did, in fact, not visit the site during the uptime loss.

Consequences following the incident

Dickhead has addressed the issue by including /vendor directory in DigitalOcean droplet and said he’s sorry—and he looked like he meant it—to The Friend. The Friend has filed a complaint using the official channels, by emailing

His mother remains uninformed of the incident.

End of incident report.

You’ve just read Reboot: Incident Report.

In which, 4 years ago, I wrote 344 words about creative and I covered topics, such as: web design , and behind the scenes .