In which The ERIKSSON GROUP® is proud to announce the latest new addition to Uncle CarlOS’® “Original” CONTENT™.

Super Premium Plus

443 words about technology — 20:23 · 13th Aug 2024

After the electrifying success of The ERIKSSON GROUP® Uncle CarlOS’® “Original” CONTENT™ rebranding, we’re thirsty to flex on you with our best glow-up since we got caught in 4k. No cap. All Gucci.

Introducing you to your new Roman Empire, Uncle CarlOS’® “Original” CONTENT™ Super Premium Plus.

Skip the sad-pretending-to-be-gen-z-slang marketing bullshit and just get to the fucking point already.

Handcrafted with love and Darth Sidious’ machinations in the fires of Mount Doom, our Super Premium Plus subscription servitude gives you FOMO content never seen anywhere else.

arlos Eriksson as a Disney character stuck in a cubicle surrounded by other faceless workers, some of which are already dead skeletons.
All the suffering they endured was handcrafted.

With exclusive features such as Reels, Feels, and Deals, you’ll stan our bangers.

Now for the tea, so you can check our vibes:

Bussin’ Ads

Never wait for an ad to finish to get to the next word again. Utilising the proprietary eye-tracking capabilities of Musk Technologies ™ we’ll make sure you never miss an ad again.

Side effects of consenting to Musk Technologies ™ may include constipation, diarrhoea, diarrhea, death, birth defects, complications that require hospitalisation, or permanent brain damage.

Iykyk

Iykyk 👀

GOAT stories

Take your favourite content on the go, with or without an internet connection with our patented genetically modified strain of Parelaphostrongylus tenuis.

Service uptime of 99.99999% is only guaranteed for Homo Digitalis. If your service provider doesn’t deliver the speeds you were promised by your provider, get in touch with them.


The trouthe

The latest revenue charts indicate that we’re losing content and attention to X, formerly Twitter, formerly twttr, so to keep up with today’s consumers of our garbage we’re increasing the character limit for Notes from 280 to 10,001.

Whilst technically, we could easily allow for 4,294,967,295 characters which are about 4GB of size, we’re still deliberately throttling this to give ourselves space to keep selling you bite-sized garage straight from the dead primates cakehole.


But before we go, we have one more thing…

Hats

//CAN WE MAKE THIS USE MORE GEN-Z WORDS?//

We heard you and we’re so excited to show the Uncle CarlOS’® “Original” CONTENT™ Super Premium Plus HATS Programme where you get access to exclusive digital hats as non-fungible tokens, such as the Fedora or a Top Hat.

No physical objects are part of this programme. Illustrations are illustrative only, all hats are uniquely named for their uniqueness. All purchases are final and non-refundable.

Avoid the dreaded FOMO!

Get your parents to sign you up for Uncle CarlOS’® “Original” CONTENT™ Super Premium Plus today!

You’ve just read Super Premium Plus.

In which, 3 months ago, I wrote 443 words about technology and I covered topics, such as: bullshit , and satire .