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Carlos’ Countdown ‘Til Christmas (5)

~2 minutes

    In which I continue to count down the days ‘til Christmas with some limericks.

    5 days until Christmas. The countdown continues.

    You know what I think you deserve after all those baking preparations you did yesterday?

    Some limericks, that’s what.

    Yeah, I know I know, you’re just lost for words from how blessed and special you feel in receiving this awesome gift. No, save your gratitude for later, I might need a kidney some day.

    For those of you that don’t know what a limerick is, here’s a limerick that explains what a limerick is:

    Writing a Limerick's absurd,
    Line one and line five rhyme in word,
    And just as you've reckoned
    They rhyme with the second;
    The fourth line must rhyme with the third.

    Clever, right? Well, now that you know what I limerick is, let’s get right to a Christmas one so that this post will have a tangent with the overarching Christmas countdown.

    When Rudolph got hurt in a fight
    He couldn't lead Santa that night
    Too much Christmas cheer
    And eggnog, and beer,
    His red nose was shiny, all right!

    I’ve only written a limerick once before—back in school—and it wasn’t very good, I imagine since I can’t remember it, so bear with me as I try to summarize “The 12 days of Christmas” into a short limerick.

    My true love to me gave
    Birds that I first had to shave,
    Pluck, stuff and bake.
    Into one giant cake
    That I then ate
    A limerick from the always hilarious Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.
    Image courtesy of Zach Weiner and his wonderful smbc-comic.com.

    No post about limericks would be complete without the classic, “There once was a man from Nantucket”, so here’s the most offensive one I could find.

    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
    And he said with a grin
    As he wiped off his chin,
    “If my ear were a cunt, I would fuck it.”

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    There are 65 more entries from 2013. See all the entries.