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Looking Both Ways (a Recap)

№111
~13 minutes
InLife

    In which I recap the tumultuous year that involved packing a bag each and moving to a completely new country.

    And so we’re here again. Tomorrow I can proudly wear my imaginary “I survived the Mayan Apocalypse, Twice!” t-shirt and make fun of people. Tomorrow I will officially — and unofficially I might add — been without smoking for exactly 100 days. Which mean I — or We — have spent roughly £544 on other stuff. I also celebrated my 300th post a few posts ago, but I decided — I forgot, okay? — not to make a big deal — no one really cares but me — about it. Tomorrow, it will stop being 2012 — for those of us using the Gregorian Calendar at least — and start being 2013.

    So sit down, this is going to be a long one.

    The most annoying part so far. I hoped I wouldn’t have to hear any more deity damn “12-12-12 12:12:12”… but no, of course some fucker had to realise that “11-12-13 14:15:16” was also a numerical pattern. Ass hole.

    Now I don’t usually do New Year’s Resolutions because quite frankly they’re moronic and only something moronic people do in the heat of a drunken moment, thinking that somehow the passing from one calendar year to another is going to help them overcome their obesity/addiction/personality flaw or whatever. By all means, Congratulations to everyone out there who has overcome whatever you wanted to overcome, but you do know that you fought and bested your demons because you were stronger than you thought. Not because the year changed. Don’t give credit where credit isn’t due. Give yourself kudos, you’ve earned it!

    Anyway — the tangent aside — my point was that despite usually not doing New Year’s Resolutions I am tempted to make one. One where I simply unfriend anyone who posts stupid and pointless things that I don’t want to see when I log in to Facebook. But to be fair… most stuff is stupid and pointless from my point of view. And I of course assume that most of what I post — which aside for these posts is barely anything at all — is also stupid and pointless. So what I suppose I am proposing is that we all unfriend one another… and… go out, in the real world, man! It’s like so totally out there! I’ve heard.

    Anyway. Don’t post numerical patterns on your Facebook Wall, or I just might unfriend you.

    Time to recap the year that has been whilst looking forward to what’s to come. Let’s take a look at the various promises I’ve made this year that I still basically have no intentions of keeping.


    The theme this year — generally — has been two-folded I suppose, because at one end I wrote very little at the beginning of the year — being too focused on other things — and then we have these last two-ish months with a ridiculous amount of posts, some even worth reading and totally not day-fillers.

    January

    January saw me continuing where I had barely started the year before; Looking for a job the UK. Something that wouldn’t get its solution until later in May but I’m getting ahead of myself.

    February

    February. Or as I would like to call it, “The Month I Will Never Know What I Did Any More Because I Was Too Busy To Write About It”, coincidently that is also what I’m calling these months; January, April, June, July & August. But two things are for sure. I revised my own website and talked about the updates coming for our, then untitled, NHL website. We totally have a name for it now by the way, with its own domain and host… and it’s awesome (weplaynhl.com). The redesign is in progress, albeit very delayed.

    March

    In March, after having sent out numerous applications, shit finally got real and I flew to the UK to attend interviews. I also “adjusted” the logo for Windows 8 because I wasn’t pleased with the design Paula Scher had done. I still think my uninformed attempt better captures the “digital essence” that Microsoft keeps babbling about, than Paula’s ever did. March is also when I using highly scientific methods proved that Mondays indeed suck more than any other day. Short version, I googled stuff and made a chart about it. I went to see a friends play called “Continue?” and… well… it was good. Some polish here and there needed but overall, really good.

    April

    Then April arrived and I discovered that you could order scented candles that smells like Dirt. Yeah, dirt. Or Grandpa’s Pipe. And even though I sort of… kind of… totally mocked it back then I actually think I would like to order some Campfire to my home. I miss the smell of burning wood.

    ปีใหม่มีความสุข to those of you in Thailand — Tuesday, 1 January 2013, 00:00:00 ICT — to the rest of you… as you were.

    So yeah, back to my burning wood. In an actually, totally serious way, I do really mean it. I’m not actually trying to be funny. Other than that, April consisted mostly of downloading Fallout for free and being offensive by editing my face on top of Mr. King’s face. And then calling him Mr. Luther instead of Mr. King.

    May

    May brought with it the winds of change… pun intended. Aside for confessing that I would totally do Stalin back when he was young, because… well… look at him, May was also the month we packed a bag each and moved to the UK. The first weeks we’re turbulent/exciting/scary/stressful to say the least and it is really only now, with a little time and perspective that I — and We — can look back at that time and learn from it. Or whatnot.

    I also made finally made good on a promise to upload more songs in not one but even two session. Hurray for me! Seriously, go check them out my whole channel. They quality is shit, but I am very happy with them anyway. Think of it as an artist showing you some of their work whilst it’s still in progress. Raw in all its untamed and unpolished glory. Or whatnot.

    June

    Early in June we finally got an apartment to call our home and went off the grid for almost two months. Just before that I talked about hoping Dishonored wouldn’t be shit. And looking at various aggregated scores it appears as though Dishonored has fared well. I’ll let you know once I’ve actually played it myself. So, some time in 2016 I suppose.

    July

    At the end of July I finally emerged from the bowels of internet-less-nes, not with a whimper or with a bang but with a flame. The Olympic flame to be specific and what a disappointment that was. I mean come on, I could dress up as a jogger and run around with a torch, thought I suspect I would get arrested if I did. We also had a
    cocain rodent problem.

    August

    August saw me finally posting pictures of our new home as well coming up with a reasonable substitute for Lonkero. All in one measly post.

    September

    September. Music, music, stopped smoking, coffee and another major revision — in my mind — for my website. Still working on that revision by the way, writing the brand guidelines as we speak. Beije helped out awesomely by writing a blogspot parser that I could use. He did it in like 30 minutes or so and I still haven’t updated my website.

    October

    October. I realise how little I had written so far this year and set myself the challenge of writing more this year than last year. At that time I was like what? 60 or so posts away from that goal and looking at my current statistics I was most likely to write 4-5 more posts for this year. Well, challenge accepted! Then I write about; Pumpkin carving for Halloween, Pizza recipe (Have you tried it yet Beije?), talk about HTC One S and show some preview images of my re-branding.

    Check out my post count. Fuck yeah! One more than last year. Hurray for only doing things marginally better. I might have missed a few days but thanks to quantity rather than quality I did it.

    November

    In November I try to raise some awareness for cancer by growing The Melancholic Moustache of Mediocrity, -5 to attractiveness. I also write 28 other posts and you can find all of them archived here. In it there’s some Kickstarter stuff like Sui Generis and Sir, You’re Being Hunted, both which has gotten funded. Applause to them both. Some more re-branding talk. I have an existential crisis about not really having anything interesting to write and then I continue to write stuff anyway. You get to find out the weather differences between Finland and England, from the angle of being a test subject at Aperture Science, Inc. Lucky you. I ramble about movies to watch vs. movies not to watch. Men In Black III is still a smelly turd in the cinematic landscape of 2012.

    I confess to missing Salty Liquorice a lot but have yet to receive any of your glorious gifts of kindness, that I assume you all started sending out the day I confessed my needs. No? You just don’t care about my liquorice needs? Fine. Ass holes. I write the first part of short detective story, featuring the lovely character Mr. Wentworth who hath trouble with pronouthing thertain letterth.

    My wife is still waiting for me write the second part. Oh yeah, she usually doesn’t know what I write about until she reads it like the rest of you. I also try Marmite and realise that I’m never fucking doing that again, that shit is disgusting. And then I finally get to shave away The Melancholic Moustache of Mediocrity and regain my attractiveness… putting points back at [3/100] and in the game, baby!

    I apologise for the “baby” part. Yeah, it made me feel dirty too. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen and move on, okay?

    December

    December. Archive here. December starts with a good ‘ol sweeping of the sleaze when I remove the Facebook like button. Then I wrote a bunch of other stuff that feels too near in the past for it to make sense to recap. I mean, it just happened. You were there too. But let’s do it anyway. Just to get — Yeah, I still feel dirty from the whole “baby” disaster — things over with.

    Dickensian Christmas. The problem with the Design industry. Skype has UX flaws. Free Duke Nukem for everyone. Nicole Westbrook’s “It’s Thanksgiving” makes me suicidal but I’ve forgiven her now because I have uncovered their secret plan. It all makes sense now! Friday, Saturday and finally… come Sunday. Clearly, Patrice Wilson is secretly trying to combat the over-population of the world by using subliminal suggestions that we simply… kill yourself. I suppose then, that those left standing come Monday will be in quite a — puts on sunglasses slowly — manic mood.

    Thank you, thank you. I am here all night.

    I also start writing a Christmas song and promise to have it uploaded a day later. Oh, how wishful my thinking was. Anyway. It’s obviously not done yet but I have written most of it and will in fact record and upload as soon as it’s done, regardless of season. Maybe I’ll call the song “In Memory of Easter” and pretend that it’s about the Easter Bunny instead of Santa Claus. Towards the end of the year I mostly get tipsy and/or drunk thanks to your lovely guests Amanda & Robert — who flew in from Finland — staying over the Christmas holidays. In my drunken stupor I write about what I ate for Christmas. I then rant about “psychics” like Sylvia Browne and other vermin until finally it’s come to this post. Yes, this very post that you’re reading. Like right now.


    So, what’s next year going to be like? Who knows? But there are a few things I would love it, if they were included in the coming year. Roasting my own coffee, specifically a Nicaraguan bean that I’m so in love with right now. Getting a Nexus 7 or any tablet of equal awesomeness. Re-envision, redesign and rebuild what a gaming statistics website should look like and call it weplaynhl.com. Re-brand Fiinix Design into Carlos Eriksson. Get the bespoke wedding rings my wife and I have been dreaming — figuratively — about. Record and upload the untitled Christmas song and reach world fame with it.

    I’m kidding about the world fame by the way, I don’t actually want to be famous. Too much pressure to adhere to social etiquette. Work more towards the completion of secret project “Death Note”.

    Oh yeah. And as a last thing… at least that I can think of right now.

    Carve — though I doubt one can call it “carving” any more at this point — a Halloween pumpkin using only a hammer, screwdriver and my fists.

    The final image for this year should be a special one, one with great significance, an image not just to summarise the year that has been but also imbued with — I’m being serious — the potential for the coming year. I also think that we can all agree that it would be nice to get that horrific image — and voice — of Sylvia Browne out of our heads. Right? So, what better image to represent all of these positive, life affirming attributes than the very definition of “the next thing”. So I give you — in the metaphorical, not the biblical sense — my son, Lucien. Sitting here in the plane, deeply concentrated and “reading” the “How Not to Die a Horrible And Fiery Death” -instructions.

    See you next year.

    Lucien reading the safety instruction on our flight to the UK.
    “How Not to Die a Horrible And Fiery Death”

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